cry
Since i was 8 or 9, i found it difficult to cry. I hated the fact that we have tear ducts. I used to watch Hong Kong dramas with my Mum and she'd cry at the slightest hint of sentimentality in the shows. When i chuckle at her, she'd dab her eyes and ask, "为什么你不会哭?" I thought well, these are people in a black box, i do not feel connected to their lives, how can i cry when i do not know them at all?
Often i experienced a deep heaviness on my heart, but i'm always unable to cry. I stitched up the part of me that hurts, even though all my emotions are bursting at the seams and i am tethering on the brink of collapse. This year, i discovered how easy and carefree it is to open your heart and cry when you feel like it. To feel the emotions the way you might feel a yoga pose, an experience of the mind and body. To recognise that these feelings are not a permanent state, it is not all of you, or all that you are. I may cry because i feel small and alone, but in due time and effort, i'll be strong and tenacious again. I may cry because i feel sad and helpless, but sooner or later, when i look back at His blessings for me, i'd smile and rejoice again. I may cry because i feel intensely ashamed, but when i take my eyes off myself and focus on His grace, i'll stand tall and run towards Him in swift determination again.
Often i experienced a deep heaviness on my heart, but i'm always unable to cry. I stitched up the part of me that hurts, even though all my emotions are bursting at the seams and i am tethering on the brink of collapse. This year, i discovered how easy and carefree it is to open your heart and cry when you feel like it. To feel the emotions the way you might feel a yoga pose, an experience of the mind and body. To recognise that these feelings are not a permanent state, it is not all of you, or all that you are. I may cry because i feel small and alone, but in due time and effort, i'll be strong and tenacious again. I may cry because i feel sad and helpless, but sooner or later, when i look back at His blessings for me, i'd smile and rejoice again. I may cry because i feel intensely ashamed, but when i take my eyes off myself and focus on His grace, i'll stand tall and run towards Him in swift determination again.
