praise

Despite my deep penetrating need for affirmation, i'm not the world's best at taking a compliment. I like them. I enjoy them. My intentions are to accept them with humility, but in the moment a compliment is made, i often respond in one of several ways, all less than appropriate. Maybe it has something to do with my childhood; i seldom receive words of affirmation from my parents even though they truly love me. Being typical asian parents, they are seldom expressive and prefer to downplay or undermine the achievements of their own children.

Often I will mask the compliments i receive by pointing out flaws the person may have missed. "Oh, thanks, but I really screwed up on that last bit" or "i'm really not that good" Pointing out my own failures to someone, who probably overlooked those failures intentionally, only serves to make myself look the fool. More than likely, i'll disqualify the person making the compliment from the ability to make an informed opinion. Sometimes, I try to ignore the comment completely and move on to another topic.

In any of the above cases, what i've done is effectively steal the joy right out of the compliment, both for myself, and for the person offering their encouragement. If i've done this to you, i'm sorry. It's not your fault i feel awkward, unsure, and craved the taste of my own foot so much.

M # Wednesday, August 20, 2008.