it is not enough
I have been taking the time to reflect, and it has been quite a cathartic experience. I realised that though i have immersed myself in work and religious activities, it is not enough to silence the accusing voices in my head. Though i have great relationships and even a fun and loving boyfriend, it is not enough. Without the assurance of God's love, i am just an empty shell, a broken puppet, disjointed and crippled. Sometimes we forget and we mistakenly believe that people are our sole source of security, expecting them to meet all our emotional and supportive needs when they are not meant to.
Nightmares of death and sickness still haunt me every now and then, i know that they will pass with the healing hands of time. But there's a part of myself i detest that doesn't seem to go away after all these years. The part that is ruled by fear, that won't dare to try because it's so scared that it will fail, that has erected thick barbed wire barricades around my heart. The part that ties itself up in Gordian knots of guilt and blame.
Nightmares of death and sickness still haunt me every now and then, i know that they will pass with the healing hands of time. But there's a part of myself i detest that doesn't seem to go away after all these years. The part that is ruled by fear, that won't dare to try because it's so scared that it will fail, that has erected thick barbed wire barricades around my heart. The part that ties itself up in Gordian knots of guilt and blame.
