now that we are here, so far away
I had a lovely dinner with the sisters to celebrate Gwen's 4th spiritual birthday today. *hugs* I hope it made you feel as special as you are to us, sweetie.
Tonight as i stand in my bedroom in front of the mirror, brushing my wet hair and wiping lotion on my face, i know it's time for me to face myself, my heart and my many tangled feelings. I know it's time for me to have a good cry. And when i do, i know i'd finally be at peace, like someone who has reached the surface after misjudging the depth of the water.
It's been 3 weeks since David's passing, it'd be his 22nd birthday next Tuesday. I try not to, but i think of him and i miss him every single day. When i see something that reminds me of him, many emotions ricocheted through me. I don't sort through them or try to figure them out. I just let it all happen. I don't cry, i can even manage a smile, but deep inside i'm weeping. I'm not strong or brave, but that's the way i am.
Still, death is a great teacher. It's just too harsh.
I wish i could tell you that through the tragedy i mined some undiscovered, life-altering absolute that i could pass to you. I didn't. The cliches apply - God is faithful, people are what count, life is precious, materialism is poison, the little things matter, live in the moment - and i can repeat them to you ad nauseam. You might listen, but you won't internalize. Tragedy hammers it home. Tragedy etches it onto your soul.
You might not be happier. It will hurt like a thousand knives. But you will be better in the end.
Tonight as i stand in my bedroom in front of the mirror, brushing my wet hair and wiping lotion on my face, i know it's time for me to face myself, my heart and my many tangled feelings. I know it's time for me to have a good cry. And when i do, i know i'd finally be at peace, like someone who has reached the surface after misjudging the depth of the water.
It's been 3 weeks since David's passing, it'd be his 22nd birthday next Tuesday. I try not to, but i think of him and i miss him every single day. When i see something that reminds me of him, many emotions ricocheted through me. I don't sort through them or try to figure them out. I just let it all happen. I don't cry, i can even manage a smile, but deep inside i'm weeping. I'm not strong or brave, but that's the way i am.
Still, death is a great teacher. It's just too harsh.
I wish i could tell you that through the tragedy i mined some undiscovered, life-altering absolute that i could pass to you. I didn't. The cliches apply - God is faithful, people are what count, life is precious, materialism is poison, the little things matter, live in the moment - and i can repeat them to you ad nauseam. You might listen, but you won't internalize. Tragedy hammers it home. Tragedy etches it onto your soul.
You might not be happier. It will hurt like a thousand knives. But you will be better in the end.
