J and i went jogging along the Pacific Ocean yesterday. My ears were stinging too much for me to fully appreciate the view before me. The weather was wonderful, the blue skies and the sun were out for once. I wondered out loud why the clouds seem so much nearer to our reach in Canada and J replied matter-of-factly "because there are not as many high rise buildings here." Perhaps that's why i often felt so oppressed and weary in Singapore for the view of Heaven has been greatly obscured.

It has been a blessed week so far. When you are on a vacation in a foreign land, where it really seems that you flew away from the worries and responsibilities that bind you, where life seems so carefree (for a short moment in time), there was an intrinsic futility in searching for something to forget. There was a certain elegant wastefulness to it that you will soon appreciate. Engaging time and energy in looking for the unexpected, expending effort in moments of new experiences; these were the thrill of a chase to nowhere for which i had felt such a frightening need for. Though i may not have discovered anything earth-shattering this week, this trip was the cipher i needed. I had wanted a blank canvas, a sorbet of an encounter that could allow myself to start my early twenties afresh with something new.

M # Sunday, May 06, 2007.