incomplete

Less than a week til a brand new school term.

We must finish what we started.

John's words echoed in my mind the whole day. I'm inspired. But i can't help but remember that almost everything i set out to do lies unfinished. I stopped at Grade 5 for my organ lessons, silver for swimming, Week 3 of art school when i was 10. I have patches of unfinished cross-stitching, poems and songs that are half-composed, promising friendships that became loosely knotted along the way. It seems that for every circle of achievement i try to attain, i end up drawing half-hearted arcs. My name is Marilyn Lai and i am constantly out of contingencies.

So why do people give up? When we start to learn new things, embark on new relationships, the novelty keeps us coming back for more. Then slowly as we inch closer to mastering them, we feel that its simply not worth investing the time and effort. The work outweighs what we can get out of it. They become less important and less valuable to us. We become comfortable with mediocrity. Often it was ourselves who made the conscious decision to give up. It wasn't circumstance, it was simply us. We gave up willingly and accepted these half-woven fabrics that we had sewn and put aside.

Sometimes i still wonder when i can see my fingers dance over my organ keyboard with grace and precision, when i'll speak fluent french, swim the butterfly stroke and sit in front of a easel with a palette and brush once again.

Before i become a toothless agar agar making granny, i hope. :(

M # Wednesday, January 24, 2007.