anger
I've been fighting this war within me recently. It seems that the more i discover about myself, the more i wish i was someone else.
If i were watching down from below, i would probably see the way my shoulders sag, my eyes lowered as i walk, on occasion a smile on my lips that doesn't quite reach the eyes, a song on the radio that i listen to intently without blinking, lest with the next blink should drop a tear that seems to be standing guard. From where i am, it appears that there is me, going about my worldly struggles, and there is the devil following me like a rabid dog. I chase it away, i scare it off, i even laugh at it, most of the time i pretend i don't see it. When i do that it goes away for a week or two but it always sniffs me back. And each time the madness in his eyes looks different. Sometimes i fight it, sometimes i let it consume me.
Last night, i slept in darkness. Black, black darkness. I closed my eyes and prayed til i lost count of my own words, til i drifted to an abyss as deep as the gaping hole in my soul.
If i were watching down from below, i would probably see the way my shoulders sag, my eyes lowered as i walk, on occasion a smile on my lips that doesn't quite reach the eyes, a song on the radio that i listen to intently without blinking, lest with the next blink should drop a tear that seems to be standing guard. From where i am, it appears that there is me, going about my worldly struggles, and there is the devil following me like a rabid dog. I chase it away, i scare it off, i even laugh at it, most of the time i pretend i don't see it. When i do that it goes away for a week or two but it always sniffs me back. And each time the madness in his eyes looks different. Sometimes i fight it, sometimes i let it consume me.
Last night, i slept in darkness. Black, black darkness. I closed my eyes and prayed til i lost count of my own words, til i drifted to an abyss as deep as the gaping hole in my soul.
Labels: introspection
