the potter does not think like its clay

Two years is a short time to spend trying to come to terms with decisions that matter. You indulge it. You deny it. You reject it. You question it. You embrace it. You fool it. You will it away. But it lingers. Sometimes, it's just a word, a name, a memory. Sometimes it's the emptiness, the lack of, the hollow feeling from having a stolen possession and then losing it. Or from knowing what could have been but now it never will be. Two years is a speck of eternity. Get over it, your ever pragmatic side reprimands. But it was magic, your indulgent sinful side, cajoles.

Today i've been so convicted by John Louis's lesson today that i could feel my heart hurting throughout it. Every word was a note played in the harp of my heart, forming music that is spinning and spiralling rapidly to fill up every space that threatens to hold nothing but wasteful emotions. I am reminded of the verse in Isaiah 29:15: "Woe to those who go to great depths to hide their plans from the Lord, who do their work in darkness and think, "Who sees us? Who will know?" As Christians, are we willing to confess our sins constantly and not when we are caught? Maybe someday, i'll be ready to pin my voice in the pages of this blog; but right now i choose to whisper my innermost thoughts in words that don't make sense, in lyrics that only my close ones will understand.

Father God, teach me to be humble to do your will and be the woman you have intended me to be.

M # Sunday, April 23, 2006.