the truth
In primary school, i was the ultimate tomboy. And it's NOT just the short hair, gawky boyish figure and unfeminine ways. I was in prefect camp and i hung out with a gal and 7 other boys. There is one thing i appreciate about friendships with guys sometimes, they are wonderfully uncomplicated. Ironic, but it's true. They don't gossip, they are not petty, they don't harbour hidden meanings in the things they say, they don't get jealous of one another's looks (at least they don't show it), they are objective in most situations. They don't put up with any nonsense, mind-games, and are straight-forward and most importantly, WYSIWYG. What you see is what you get.
Of cos i'm generalising, but i remember i felt that way for a long time. One thing that makes guys less perfect individuals in the equation of friendships still stands out: their penchant for 'meditating alone on top of a mountain' instead of being expressive about how they feel. Perhaps when something happens, the emotions feel so alien within them that they are unable to decipher and put into words. Actually i do know how it feels.
The best thing we can do is to speak our truth.
"Our truth" is complicated. If it was all negative, that is, you are angry and don't care at all about your relationship with this person, you would probably just avoid the individual and that would be the end of it. The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. But if you, for whatever reason, care enough about the relationship to wish your emotions did not get in the way, then your truth is complicated. When we speak our complicated truth, we honor the friend. We share our experience, as difficult as it is, without blaming. We invite the other to explore with us. We assume that any hurt we received was unintentional and gives both of us the opportunity to learn. When we withhold our truth, because our "emotions are in the way," we rob the other party of critical information about his/her impact on others. And we rob ourselves of the opportunity to transform a hurt into a learning of each other.
I know sometimes i sound like i've got a PHD in interpersonal skills or something. Don't be deceived, God knows i'm just an inept idealistic little girl struggling to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony. :)
Of cos i'm generalising, but i remember i felt that way for a long time. One thing that makes guys less perfect individuals in the equation of friendships still stands out: their penchant for 'meditating alone on top of a mountain' instead of being expressive about how they feel. Perhaps when something happens, the emotions feel so alien within them that they are unable to decipher and put into words. Actually i do know how it feels.
The best thing we can do is to speak our truth.
"Our truth" is complicated. If it was all negative, that is, you are angry and don't care at all about your relationship with this person, you would probably just avoid the individual and that would be the end of it. The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. But if you, for whatever reason, care enough about the relationship to wish your emotions did not get in the way, then your truth is complicated. When we speak our complicated truth, we honor the friend. We share our experience, as difficult as it is, without blaming. We invite the other to explore with us. We assume that any hurt we received was unintentional and gives both of us the opportunity to learn. When we withhold our truth, because our "emotions are in the way," we rob the other party of critical information about his/her impact on others. And we rob ourselves of the opportunity to transform a hurt into a learning of each other.
I know sometimes i sound like i've got a PHD in interpersonal skills or something. Don't be deceived, God knows i'm just an inept idealistic little girl struggling to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony. :)
Labels: life observations
