letting go
There is a common belief that we are responsible for other people's feelings.
We try to protect their feelings, and out of our desire not to hurt them, we lie and tell half-truths. Gosh, we don't have a clue about what our own emotions are in the first place sometimes, much less tell the truth about it to someone else. Sometimes we play a game of emotional charades, "let's read between the lines and figure out what XX is really trying to say without ever having to say it." But how many times have i found yourself thinking that i know what the other person felt, only to find out i was dead wrong? How many nights i'd rather go sleepless to worry about it, rather to just talk to the person straight in the face and find out the truth?
I was talking to H the other night while waiting for our trains home, how we both feel that God created women in such a way that we are often relationship-focused. But yet we seldom share about how we feel towards that need for companionship, our fears towards deepening our friendship with men and brothers. It's like 'you shouldn't even be thinking about these kinda stuffs and if you do, you are on the wrong path'. And we shake off those feelings vigorously, as if they are something harmful.
I don't know..the truth is i do think about it. Not all the time, but enough. And i don't think that we should be ashamed of feeling the way we do. Yes, i miss J, sometimes i even miss being part of a us. It is the truth, but the bottomline is i will always come back to the realisation that i've made the right decisions and priorities, and that calms me down. If i can't tell my heart to still or my mind to clear, at least i have the strength now to slow down my heartbeat and blink away the tears that gather in the cresses of my eyes.
Look at romantic literature - Pride & Prejudice. How often does the protagonist can't stand the sight of the leading male in the beginning? They end up falling in love; girls in the audience swoon and pass tissues between seats. Because it's unexpected. Maybe, though, it's suddenly this guy you are completely unsure of, who makes you question everything, who makes you a little uncomfortable is the guy, and he has obviously come upon you when you'd least expected it, but only because you’d never expected it to be him..
We try to protect their feelings, and out of our desire not to hurt them, we lie and tell half-truths. Gosh, we don't have a clue about what our own emotions are in the first place sometimes, much less tell the truth about it to someone else. Sometimes we play a game of emotional charades, "let's read between the lines and figure out what XX is really trying to say without ever having to say it." But how many times have i found yourself thinking that i know what the other person felt, only to find out i was dead wrong? How many nights i'd rather go sleepless to worry about it, rather to just talk to the person straight in the face and find out the truth?
I was talking to H the other night while waiting for our trains home, how we both feel that God created women in such a way that we are often relationship-focused. But yet we seldom share about how we feel towards that need for companionship, our fears towards deepening our friendship with men and brothers. It's like 'you shouldn't even be thinking about these kinda stuffs and if you do, you are on the wrong path'. And we shake off those feelings vigorously, as if they are something harmful.
I don't know..the truth is i do think about it. Not all the time, but enough. And i don't think that we should be ashamed of feeling the way we do. Yes, i miss J, sometimes i even miss being part of a us. It is the truth, but the bottomline is i will always come back to the realisation that i've made the right decisions and priorities, and that calms me down. If i can't tell my heart to still or my mind to clear, at least i have the strength now to slow down my heartbeat and blink away the tears that gather in the cresses of my eyes.
Look at romantic literature - Pride & Prejudice. How often does the protagonist can't stand the sight of the leading male in the beginning? They end up falling in love; girls in the audience swoon and pass tissues between seats. Because it's unexpected. Maybe, though, it's suddenly this guy you are completely unsure of, who makes you question everything, who makes you a little uncomfortable is the guy, and he has obviously come upon you when you'd least expected it, but only because you’d never expected it to be him..
Or maybe i'm just trying to make myself feel better.
Labels: introspection
