renewal
It has only been a week, but time stood still for me just as my humble blog had.
I think a good blog is an open vulnerable one, open to strangers and stories, and to the uncertainty of life, updated despite ups and downs the blogger goes through. I don't have a good blog. For one thing, though i'm not insecure by nature, it's hard for me to be vulnerable. Over the years, i am selective in sharing pain; i don't tell you not because of the lack of trust, but i have to be cautious of how my pain can impact you. Soon i become confused, i can't differentiate between the can-tell's and the cannot-tell's. While i don't just bolt, i slide chains over my life. My heart has a chain-lock door, the kind you can only release from the inside.
Eunice asked why i can't just leave greenappledelight as it is, template and all. I love it of cos, in the this-is-my-baby way, but i'm a treacherous blogger. I don't turn and pour my heart out on my little green blog when i am down. Instead, taking it down for a few days gave me some weird satisfaction masked under a false sense of control for once. Not just the blogspot.com, but i stayed away from my sitecounter, every single blog i read daily, friends or strangers as well. In my mind's eye, i've turned everything in the virtual into a cast of cardboard cut-outs, suspended in the there-and-then. Maybe it's when you feel that everything is spinning out of equlibrium, you desperately reach out to the few things you truly have control over, and in my life there's not many things in which i call the shots.
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I saw some breathtaking fireworks at Esplanade today. Wished you were here.
Labels: introspection
