of change part II
Do you know of any people who believe in the indirect proportional relationship of the Variable Change with the number of years?
There are plenty of them around. It's like oh please, i love the way i am now, i'm in my comfort zone, in my element, this world is my oyster, i'm sticking with him even though he beats me up when he's not happy, but we used to be happy so i just have to stay this way and i'm sure someday we will be fine again. You are Linus and his blanket personified with a blindfold over your eyes. Most of the time it's not about being contented and making do with what you have yada yada; it's about being unhappy and yet funnily enough you are fine with it.Or that's what you tell yourself. Like you walk around with a pin stuck on your sole, it hurts, but it probably hurts more taking it out so why not just live with it? It's pretty simple actually, let me spell it out for you - it's called complacency.
Many times in life, change sneaks up on us whether we like it or not, surprising us like balloons bobbing on ceilings. We had never predicted this, and now that it's happebed, we're filled with joy or downright misery depending on the situation. It's like winning the lottery or a car crash. Intense emotion is felt when we're blindsided by an event, when there aren't visible indications of the sharp turn you were approaching. When given the opportunity to put on our seatbelts, the whiplash of change doesn't hurt as much. Preparation, our defense, dulls the pain. He breaks up with you out of nowhere (either you missed the signs completely or you ignored them) - either way, the pain is magnified when you don't have the chance to predict how you'd respond. Someone phones you to tell you your dreams just came true, out of nowhere. You never had the opportunity to even imagine the happiness, so you feel so strongly it feels almost unreal.
Although right now i'm more than grateful for each morning i can wake up and remember who i am; but something is missing, and i'm still praying for that one day i will take my chances with what i felt was true and make my life more like the one i always want it to be. I really don't wish to carry on in this same shitty mind frame of mine, because if i do i'll end up dying with exactly the same lack of fulfillment and experience as i have been at the end of everyday. Enduring like Philip Conors in Groundhog Day. Oh and i really don't care if my blog is not interesting in any sense of the word - writing is my therapy. While people work out and sweat away their frustrations, this blog is my gym. :)
Labels: life lessons
