of change part I

Some people believe that the maximum enjoyment of life can only be achieved when that Variable C for Change has a directly proportional relationship with the number of years you live. It's change like you can't wear the same shirt twice, you can't wear your hair the same way in the week, you can't work at the same job for more than 2 months, and you are the one i love most so therefore i'm asking you to scram after 3 months instead of 3 weeks. I suppose it's the upbringing, the need for that temporary high when something about them is different, kinda the way i feel when i go for a haircut, it's not about shorter bangs, it is the ridiculous feeling of transformation when you step out of the saloon.

But people don't notice it most of the time because c'mon who are you kiddin', you are still the same old dork deep within and that's precisely why some people resort to rearranging their lives so often to feel controlled in some way, to compensate for the one thing they can't change - themselves.

Change becomes mundane when you have to tell others that you're 'in love', subsequently you will find them stifling a yawn when you deliver the news. You are a serial dater, a playboy, a self-proclaimed Casanova and the latest love of your life is merely a facade, a conquest, so painfully obvious to friends around you that they don't bother to wish you happiness anymore. But what is more ordinary than love if almost every ordinary person experiences it again and again? If love had ever had any real value, it was cheapened by gratified notebooks, withering flowers in a bouquet, lousy pop songs, broken promises and bitter sayonaras after the exchange of bodily fluids. 'Fess up, you are just someone who's been hurt and still hurting, who doesn't fear committment per se, but a fear of being abandoned by the one you love; i know who you are, you are a cynic who really wants to believe in love and all its shades of undefinable beauty, but you put them up on some imaginary pedestal, too far above the ground for you to examine it closely.

It is something you can climb, though, to escape boredom, to escape the ordinary and look up, up and away into the cosmos so you can forget what you are really standing on and around, who you are and that the things you have done to change have been nothing more than inconsequential fillers.

M # Wednesday, July 27, 2005.